Drive
by Quatrina Raberba
Summary: *Songfic* *Before OLS* Jim is about to make a terrible mistake...


Disclaimer: ::Sigh:: Why must I go through this torture every time? ::Chibi Gene nudges Quatrina:: Fine, fine. I don't own Gene. ::Chibi Gene nudges Quatrina again:: Or Jim. ::Chibi Gene nudges Quatrina yet again:: Or OLS. ::Chibi Gene gives Quatrina a dirty look::....or the song "Drive". ::Quatrina looks at Chibi Gene:: There. Happy? ::Chibi Gene smiles really big:: Good.  
  
This takes place *before* OLS. Jim is eight.  
  
Oh, yeah....this is my first Songfic...so...I hope you like it anyway.  
  
Drive  
  
**Sometimes I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear**  
  
Sighing, he set a heavy bag down upon the dirty, kitchen floor. After biting his lip, he glanced around the room for what he figured would be the final time. Darkness was all around him, but the moonlight seemed to be able to seep its way through the window. The white light brushed against his features, of blond hair, blue eyes, and a soft face. If one looked closely, they would be able to see a crystal clear tear traveling down his creamy complexion.   
  
**And I can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer.**  
  
Jim Hawking fidgeted with his hands, as he poked the black bag with his little foot. How many times had he tried to do this? He had lost count about three months ago. Each morning, he'd tell himself, "Today will be the last", or "I'll make it this time." But each day would be far from the last, and each night he'd never come close to making it. Oh, of course he'd come farther than others. Once he actually made it all the way down the street, only to find himself back at his doorstep yet again. Something had always made him come back. And he had a pretty good idea of what it was...or rather who it was.  
  
**It's driven me before; it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal**   
  
Jim stuck his hands into his pockets, as he continued to nudge the bag with his foot. He wanted to look for the last time, but he knew if he did, he would never make it out of the door. However, he knew if he didn't, he would simply return for that final glance, and would head straight back to his room. He was stuck either way. After wiping away the tear from his face, he silently told himself that he would leave, and never look back.  
  
Why did he want to leave so badly? Sometimes he couldn't remember, but tonight, he knew why all too well. He felt as if he were somewhat of a burden to the teen taking care of him. His teen friend would sometimes become angry or irritated. A drunken Gene Starwind had staggered into the house, earlier that night, and after muttering many unpleasant things at Jim, he had gone to sleep on the couch. He *never* used to do that, but lately his partner had been drinking more than usual. As if he had a large problem on his hands. Jim couldn't help but feel that maybe this wasn't where he belonged.   
  
And he didn't know why he was hesitating so much. After all, he could do whatever he wanted to. It wasn't like anyone had a hold on him.   
  
**Lately I'm beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel**  
  
Frowning, he decided to go ahead to get it over with. *Then* he could go about his ways. He never wanted to be a burden to Gene...his aniki. So, he gave the black bag one last kick, before he picked it up, and tip toed his way out of the kitchen. A soft snore reached his ears, hence he knew he was not far from his temporary destination.   
  
It was dark, there was no question about that. He knew that the city lights would guide him as he traveled. That, and the moonlight. The same moon that was shining upon Gene Starwind's sleeping form. Leaning over the edge of the couch, Jim's face grew a bit uncomfortable. He went through this every time. His stomach would seem to twist into endless knots of turmoil. He was confused - plain and simple. He wanted to be with Gene, but he truly wondered if that was where he belonged.  
  
**Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there**   
**With open arms and open eyes, yeah**   
**Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there**  
  
Though he had only been with Gene for a little less than a year, he had felt so attached to him, and his little business. He had even become apart of it. Starwind and Hawking Enterprises. And the surprising thing was, Gene was welcoming the extension. Jim was so sure that Gene would want to stick to the way things used to be, but it seemed as though he was sticking to the new situation. As if he were being accepted...  
  
Why would Gene accept him, though, if he were a burden? Oh, now he was even more confused! He glanced at the black bag, and bit his lower lip. Gene would wake up in the morning to find what? Jim was going to have to decide that. If he stayed, he knew that Gene would never know of the events that were taking place right next to him. If he left, what would happen when Gene woke up? Would he be glad? Sad? He didn't want to inflict the latter on his friend.   
  
** So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive**  
  
Jim ducked behind the couch, as Gene turned over, and grunted. He was going to have a hangover the size of Sentinel 3, that much was for certain. Who was going to help him out? Himself or his partner? Would he even still have a partner in the morning? Jim again began to feel hesitation stirring within him.   
  
He could live on the streets, no problem. He was an exceptional mechanic, and a math genius. Finding a job would be a simple task. Would Gene and his business still be able to function without his little partner? Jim had to admit, Gene had become more than spoiled, having someone to keep up with the money for him. Would Starwind and Hawking Enterprises crash and burn?  
  
Slowly, Jim stood up and he began to look at his black bag; he felt he could no longer look upon Gene. He could just put the bag up and go to bed. For what, though? Only to find himself in the same position the next night? He was going to come up with a decision - now. He said this to himself every time, though. How was this time any different?  
  
He didn't want his fear of uncertainty to keep him in a place where he didn't belong, but he didn't want fear to drive him from a place where he *did* belong.   
  
**Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive, oh oh.**  
  
"Jim." Jim's eyes widened, as he turned to where Gene lay. It would be embarrassing to explain to Gene why he had a bag of clothes with him. Much to his relief, however, Gene was still asleep, and obviously dreaming. "Jim," his sleeping friend muttered again. The young boy looked closer at Gene's face, only to see a...smile. No, it wasn't a big smile, but a soft, *gentle and tender* smile.   
  
"Aniki." Jim barely managed to choke out the name he had for Gene. He hated this torment he would go through every night. His parents were gone - gone for good. Gene, his aniki, would be the closest thing to family he would ever have, and he knew it. Yes, he knew it, even though that wasn't the way he felt...not yet, anyway.  
  
Would he run away from family? No, he would not. Not only did he feel obligated to stay with Gene, he *wanted* to stay with Gene. However, if it wasn't where he belonged, and if he were being a *burden* to him...what was the point?  
  
And here he was - back where he started.   
  
He felt frozen. He couldn't leave, that much was clear to him. Could he stay then? Though he knew it wasn't real, he could hear a soft voice...the voice of his father.  
  
"Be mindful of other people's feelings, but never neglect your own. If your gut tells you something, listen to it, despite what you *think* about it."  
  
He had never understood what his father had been trying to say...never, until now.  
  
**Lately, I'm beginning to find that when I drive myself, my light is found**   
  
Gene Starwind and Jim Hawking were partners...and that was final. Partners in business, and *maybe* in life. Jim didn't think so, but his..."gut"...told him to give it time. Jim inwardly cursed at himself for even calling himself Gene's partner. Someone's partner *never* copped out, but...he hadn't copped out - yet.   
  
**Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there**   
**With open arms and open eyes yeah**  
  
"What am I doing?" Jim stared wide eyed at his bag, and then at Gene, who was still slightly smiling. Sighing, the little boy picked up the heavy bag, and put it over his shoulder. "Aniki," he whispered, "you've done this to me before, and this will be the last time." Though Jim had been speaking to Gene, he did not reply, as he was asleep.  
  
**Would you choose water over wine**   
**Hold the wheel and drive**   
  
Slowly, Jim walked over to the door, his bag slung over his shoulder. Instead of opening it, though, he opened the closet door to his right. After throwing the bag into the dark closet, he shut the closet door all of the way. After all, it wasn't like he would be needing that bag for a while...well, not until he went on that camping trip Gene wanted to go on so badly.   
  
**Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there**   
**With open arms and open eyes yeah **  
**Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there, I'll be there**  
  
~*~*~  
END  



End file.
